where are you(where am I)

1

sometimes we’re brief, withered, old leaves

sometimes we’re blooming, spreading seeds

but whatever we are isn’t lasting

oh age does humble us

2

from glowing blood to ash

so i ask

where are you,

where am I

where are you,

where am I

Love

Music is the love that never stops loving me and never will. I could turn my back on sounds, energy, and vibrations but they will always be there. A world of songs and energy to be heard and an exponentially larger world of sounds yet to be made. I can always see truths in life that parody the truths in music. This helps me to understand how important and beautiful both truly are.
I am, and always will be, my own maestro. I can change the tempo of life and push it or settle it down at any time. Consonance and dissonance will always be important parts of the finite song, the struggle.  The tranquility of the most pleasant harmonies will eventually become mundane and redundant if never paired with more abrasive neighboring notes. Just the same sentiment is felt of a constant conflict or battle of pungent tones within one’s lifesong.  Although this wedding of frequencies is sometimes harsh, shrill or even discomforting, there is always a potential for something beautiful in the same instance.

intuitive feel vs. explicit direction

Creatively, I’ve thrown away my intuition just to have it replaced with theory and tradition. This shift has its obvious benefits but now that both are inherent I feel inspired. I hope to preserve my intuitive feel and never examine it too closely again.

Generic Movie Post #1

Somehow I always end up watching some strange movies. Recently, I was fortunate enough to come across some real gems. Easy Rider is a movie I’ve seen a couple times and it is a real classic. A relatively inexpensive movie to make that bridged the mainstream/indie gap in 1969. I strongly suggest it. Peter Fonda, Dennis Hopper, and Jack Nicholson. Of course it’s great!!!

A few nights ago I saw the original 1973 British version of Wicker Man. It is a pretty twisted tale about a police detective looking for a missing girl from a mysterious, headonistic island. It is  worth watching. Their was a great independence in filmaking during the 60s and 70s(as in popular music) that seems very refreshing to me.

Another cool movie I recently saw was called, Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill. It was made in 1965 and it seems like it may have been a movie that stirred things up at the time. The first thing I thought about from the first five minutes of this movie was how it may have inspired Quentin Tarantino. His movies seem to be revamped versions of this one. In fact, I heard he is currently making his own version of the film. This movies got the quirky music,  the  clever dialogue, and badass female characters. Overall, this is a real sweet movie that gives a reference point of influence that is still acknowledged by comtemporary moviemakers.

Give me $19.95 and I’ll give you Jesus

If anyone tells you something like this or even slightly similar, tell them to fuck off in an extremely polite way.

It is slightly tragic that you cant go through an entire day without being bombarded with marketing, propaganda, and shitty pop music but I just wish people would stop fucking “branding” Jesus. I understand that it is a complete neccesity for Nike to run billion dollar marketing campaigns while the workers are running around the Vietnam warehouses barefoot. I understand that Americans CANNOT live without Coca-Cola even though diabetes, heart disease, and obesity are proving otherwise. But this is all public, capitalist, “ambitious”, free-enterprise bullshit. Leave Jesus out of it. I don’t even have a personal relationship with him but I know he would be pissed if he new what was going on.

New Adventures in Mixed Media

I’m constantly reminded of the beauty of the process when it comes to art. Just like life, it’s the experience, the journey, the risks, the adventure that can make things interesting. I’m learning to be more confident with my marks which also seems to parallel life in a familiar way. I feel like I’m finally starting to own my marks and embrace them whether they turn out wonderful or completely ruin a piece. Owning up to ugly marks inevitably makes the next attempt better. It is like owning up to bad choices in your life so that you can avoid them the next time around.

real and real

Blue Bananas

Drawings from the End of August

Draw What You See

Greetings from Mt. St. Helens

I did a lot of sketches and drawings throughout August. Here are a few that I liked.

The Importance of Independence

Despite having been in a string of serious relationships throughout most of my adult life, I still feel very independent. I really feel that relationships are icing on the cake for the individual human experience. I hope to grow old with someone who can appreciate me as a person when I am at my most independent, as well as, when we are together. If someone genuinely loves you for who you really are then it seems like they would love to see you flourish as an independent person. No matter how connected or invested a relationship is I feel that isn’t fair for either person to have the burden of being responsible for the others’ happiness.

In my current situation, this issue of dependence comes up so often that it is just like the movie Groundhog’s Day without Bill Murray or the funny one-liners. Every possible situation where my attention is dispersed in other directions…work, friends, hobbies… there is some kind of blowout on her part. It tends to make me feel a little guilty when I shouldn’t and really angry. The caring, loving, “grown-up” side of me tells me that I gotta control my feelings but the unattached, rational side of me tells me I need to get out of these situations so I don’t even have to cater to these unwelcome feelings in the first place.

The importance of independence is different for people at different stages in their life whether a person realizes it or not. I have come to the realization that in my situation, her negativity towards my independence comes from the her lack of individuality. If we both had a similar sense of self and identity, I couldn’t possibly see us running into this sort of thing.

Overall, people need hobbies. More importantly I think they need purpose. Not just to wake up in the morning but to wake up in the morning and smile because you know on some small scale you have a purpose. Regardless of the need to better mankind or leave an imprint on history, people need purpose just within themselves. Convictions and passions that guide us whether we are all alone or not. I hope one day we can share this feeling.

Being born again…

…isn’t easy. Not in any sense, religious or otherwise, but I still think it is something we all should challenge ourselves to do at least once in a while.  When we are young we have a seemingly infinite sense of imagination, curiousity, and adventure that keeps us interested in the world around us. As we grow up our vast universe can sometimes seem very fixed and small. At these times when the workplace walls are caving in around us, we really need to remember the expansive lands that surround us. Not just the physical environment but the places our mind will take us if we let it without being bogged down by the dull, mundane terrain we clearly tread on too much. Throughout my life, I have constantly confused comfort for laziness but I am almost always pleasantly surprised when I get out of the vacuum once in a while.